Austin. Tk. 2

Back in AUSTIN

After a year of no travel, I nervously booked my trip to visit my sister in Austin this past November.

I use to love traveling and would take any opportunity to go. The excitement of visiting a new place, seeing new local businesses, a new setting, a new beginning, a fresh perspective, maybe even a different culture depending on where I went-it never made me feel nervous or made my anxiety peak- until this year. Something changed.

Well, obviously, a lot has changed in the world. But also I have changed in this year of isolation. I’ve grown used to my own company. I’ve grown used to the comfort of my house and the convenience of having exactly what I need right in front of me. The predictability of the mundane had settled and although the itch to travel never left, it had dulled significantly.

My perspective on travel has changed as I changed as well. I used to be able to “fly by the seat of my pants.” No plans? no problem! Don’t know where you’ll stay, or what youll eat? We’ll figure it out as we go! Don’t know anyone there? We’ll make new friends! That’s part of the fun! I found as the trip came closer, I started to worry about the aspects that used to make the trip fun. My perspective had shifted…

What if I waist time if we don’t have plans? What if I go and can’t find anything I can eat… what if the food makes me sick? What if I don’t have enough? What if the people are judging me? What if they don’t like visitors? Or don’t want to make new friends? Am I imposing? This change in perspective shifted my usual excitement into actual dread and I almost didn’t even go.

But I also knew I had to challenge myself in order to get back to that place of excitement. Get the travel ball rolling again, ya know? It’s like that initial push off that is always the hardest, but once you get going, the momentum and riding the previous experiences helps you keep going.

Needless to say, the trip was amazing and all those anxieties, although valid, didn’t matter in the moments I was actually present in Austen. Regardless of the amount of plans my sister and I had or didn’t have, we enjoyed each others company through anything we did, without the pressure of making things happen. And shocker: I found food to eat. No deprivation that used to actually steal my attention on previous trips. And the people? They were great! Open up to people, and they’ll open up to you…(subjectively LOL)

Long story short, the trip was great! I came back home inspired an refreshed. And in a way, accomplished. Like I had conquered my fears and quelled the anxiety that kept me paralyzed in fear. Hey, it may seem like a small win, but at this point, every win is big win for me and finding any reason to celebrate is important! And if there’s something you want to do but you’re scared, do it anyways. Do it scared. You’ll surprise yourself and regardless of how well or poorly it goes, you grow. You experience. And you start to live, again.

-n